Monday, April 29, 2013

Fvck you and your lies.

Someone who cannot afford to lose you will do everything just for you. For you not to be hurt, not to get jealous, and not to get insecure whenever you think that all the flirty bitches would enfold your guy if you are not around, and so on. But the idea of lying to your love, for you not to be jealous never thumped into my psyche. I cried myself to sleep yesterday when I found out that Chiles was able to do that; He texted my close friend Hapie, (She’s the one I’m getting jealous at) told her not to tell me that a couple of weeks ago, they’re texting each other, talking about me and my distrust monstrous issues, and so on. I am so appalled. Infidelity was the first word that came into my mind to describe what they did, though it didn’t implicated any sweet nothings. Fine.

I was shouting, crying, and very, very dismayed when I talk to Chiles. I never thought he’d be able to do that. Nakaka putang ina. I think I need to have a break, think things through, and worst; let our relationship rest. I am heavily sedated by anger, guilt (I know I am the one who pushed him to covert whatever he is doing, because he knows how jealous I am when it comes to girls, whoever they are to him. Name it: Friends, colleagues, and the like.)

He kept on telling me, he was able to do that because he doesn’t want me to be jealous. Eh?!

And I told him, “Sana sinabi mo na lang yung totoo, di excuse yung alam mo kasing magseselos ako. E di sana di mo na lang sya tinext, e alam mo naman palang magseselos ako. Tangina nyo!” and he’s crying.

Guess I don’t need to apologize for being so short- spoken.

Hours passed, and he kept on texting me. It took me a long time to respond, and I calmly gathered what I need to say. Blah blah blah.

Night time falls, and he called me. “Bat di ka nagtetext? Ayaw mo pa din ako kausap? Hubby naman, lahat naman ginawa ko, kanina pa ako nagmamakaawa, na di ko na ulit uulitin. Ni hindi nga ako nagpasweet sa kanya e, ni hindi ko nga niligawan e.”

So what the fvcking hell is your point? Makalimutan ko agad- agad? Fvck.
He lied, because he doesn’t want me to be jealous. Oh. Tapos? I can’t stop being so sarcastic about what they did. Bullshit.

Then I realized, giving him what he want (Chiles is asking me for 2nd chance) would be enough to rectify what he did. Okay, am not that bad as you think. 2nd chance given. Hope you deserve it Delos Reyes.

He’s crying when I told him I want a break up, (Not that so reasonable though.) His crying bowed into unfathomable sob. In between sobbing, he told me how sorry and stupid he is. He told me how much he loves me, and he was able to do that because he doesn’t want me to be jealous, though I did not clearly apprehend what he said.  Verbose. Serves you right Chiles.

What happened to us reached to our parents. Mama and Papa stayed quiet. They don’t want to impede whatever our problem is. I understand. But his parents we’re really bothered, to the point that what happened to us made Tita Bing (His mom) cry. I don’t know if I was the one who made her cry, just dismiss what I said anyway.
Tita Mommy Bing called me, and she invited me to come with them for lunch. I told Tita Mommy that I am being diffident, again. Then she said, (and tears pooled into my eyes when I heard Tita Mommy’s statement)

Ikaw na bata ka, puno ka ng insecurities, e hindi naman dapat anak. Ako mismo taga bantay mo kay Chiles. Hinding hindi ako papaya na may ibang babae na dadalhin yan sa bahay. IKAW LANG. (Slowly emphasizing each words.)Ikaw alam na alam mo na parte ka ng family, kaya di ka dapat nag iisip ng ganyan. Okay ‘nak? Mahal na mahal ka ni Chiles. Mahal na mahal ka naming. Kung di nga lang kayo masyado pang bata ni anak gusto na naming ipakasal kayo e. Gusto na kita maging nanay ng mga magiging apo ko, gustong kita para sa anak ko. Ako ang kakampi mo kay Chiles. Mommy mo na ako e, at tsaka mahal kita. Pinapaiyak mo naman ako e. (And on the other line I heard Tita Mommy sniff, and I told her too that I love her very much)Sige na maligo ka na at magmalling pa tayo. Ingat ka pagpunta anak.”


I hope the line of the song, “If Ever Your In My Arms Again” would bring my reliance and love back to our relationship. “THE BEST OF ROMANCES DESERVE SECOND CHANCES.” Ehhhh?!

Let’s give that 2nd chance a try babyyyy.

PS: Chiles even invited Hapie to come with him at MOA. In accordance to Mr. Delos Reyes, friendly gesture lang. How about those people na makakakita sa kanila kapag magkasama na sila? Alam naman daw nya na di sasama si Hapie. Sus. Fvck.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

My Thesis Acknowledgement. ♥

                I really do not know what to say, and I really do not know how to start either. Anyway, my heart swells with pride whenever I remember how victorious… aaah! Tong thesis most especially the defense. No words can describe how happy I am na at long last, after the roller coaster ride with thesis, at sa lahat ng pinagdaanan ng grupo ko, finally we made it! That where-do-we-go-from-here feeling mode on. =)))))) Nakakatuwang nakakanerbyos.

·         Papa God, thank you for always guiding us in whatever we do. Without You po, we know we can’t achieve anything. Thank you for always blessing us, giving us the strength and courage to go on when we feel down. I love you Bro! You’re just the best- est!

·         Papa, Mama, Tito Robert, Tito Boyet, Tita Gay, Ate Tim, lahat lahat na kayo! Hahaha, maraming maraming salamat! You guys made it possible for me to achieve my dream. Now that I have my Bachelor’s Degree, I can marry the guy I love the most, for short pwede na ako mag-asawa. HAHAHAHAHA! Chos lang. I know you know na marami pa akong gustong gawin, and that includes my dream to become the legendary trial lawyer in the Philippines. Mehehe. :D Suporta naman dyan. Chos lang. Maraming maraming salamat po talaga! Mahal na mahal ko kayo. :*

·         To my future in- laws, (chos!) Tito Peter and Tita Bing, thank you for allowing me to stay in your home. I appreciate how you talked to my parents po just to say na sa inyo na lang po ako magstay kasi malayo ang byahe ko. Ayy naiiyak ako. ;( Thank you po sobra! Mwah! And to my ever- loving boyfriend Chiles, I love you hubby! Thank you for understanding my supah mood swings. Hahaha! At salamat na rin sa laging pagiindulge mo sakin sa pagkain. Ang lusog tuloy natin. :P Mahal na mahal kita!

·         Dean Cesar Orsal, thank you for inspiring us in everything, and one thing more I will definitely miss you po! Ugh, naiiyak ako. Echoserang film yan! I’ll never forget that, and your favorite line whenever you see me, “Nakauwi ka na ba? San ka umuwi?” followed by a hearty smile. I love you Dean, forever! I will never forget din the times that you made us all smile in the class by just saying, “Wit, gumetlak, echosera, and more.” Hahaha! Thank you very much Dean. 

·         And of course to our mighty thesis adviser, Mommy Evelyn Agato! We’re used to call you Mommy A na po made possible by your surname's initial. Hahaha! Agyamanak maestra senora! (Thank you ma’am in Ilocano.)  mahal na mahal ka po namin, though most of the time pasaway kami. You never failed to guide and support us Mommy A, and for us you’re more than just a thesis adviser. You’re our super mom, and my mother confessor. (Alam mo yan ma’am) We both love to make chismis and you never get tired of listening to my sentiments and chikas. Hahaha! I love you Mommy A!

·         Oh, how could I forget to thank my groupmates? Who all went on their way to confront me whenever they notice that my stress level over thesis goes up, that I am getting bossy, more and more, and when I can’t notice how harsh and rude I am whenever I’m pissed just because of thesis, (again) oh sorry. But you know that I only want what is the best for our group. I love you guys bigtime! Thank you for always doing your very best in everything, and now that we’re finally making martsa na, I would like to salute you all. Thank you for constantly reminding me not to eat, whenever I’m stressed because I always looked like a preggy lady all the time, though you know I am a stress eater. Thank you, thank you. Million thanks would not be enough. After all that we’ve been through, I can say that I have the best- est bunch of friends. Mcdodo, together with Daven, Santie, Culver, and Rigor, para tayong nakalunok ng megaphone sa ingay natin. Isa lang masasabi ko, TEAM BR! =)))))))) :D


Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Feeling bad about it. :( :|

University of the Philippines is one of the oldest and exalted universities here in the Philippines. Well, if you conceded the college entrance examination of the university, extensively known as the UPCAT, then deliberately, the spotlight’s on you.

That is what I experienced when I found out I met the quota grade of the University of the Philippines, Baguio Campus. I opened the letter coming from UP, and I passed the degree of my choice, Communication Management.  I am the happiest girl alive. Mama and Papa was so thankful, nervous even on thinking how could I surpass the environment, the home sickness I am expected to feel, and of course, the maintenance of my grades. Taking UPCAT when I was in my secondary slate wasn’t even planned. Our institution informed us if we are interested in taking the exams, and apparently, many students gave their disapproving looks. I honestly think taking the exams would make my brain and heart have a hemorrhagic bug. Soon after our adviser encouraged me to take the exams, and so I did.

What made me inscribe my thoughts is that I could have graduated wearing the infamous academic uniform of the University, the Sablay.  Chiles was affronted about the idea that I just told him, and he said I might not be able to meet him if I pursued my degree in UPB. Well, just to inform you, Mama and Papa didn’t allow me to go the University. Worry and foreboding were obviously the reasons. 

They’re petrified that I will face the college life alone in Baguio on the dormitories around the campus. They’re petrified because no one’s going to look after me, not even a single relative of ours resides in Baguio. They’re petrified because they won’t be able to see me for days, weeks, months even. Of course their decision matters most. I don’t want to be studying in the prestigious university, knowing that in every seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, and months, my parents worry about me. Take note: ALL THE TIME. How could I focus then?

They're after what is the best for me, I know that. That’s why when they asked me if it’s okay to give up the UPB chance, I nodded. They want me to go to Manila, and there my aunt can look after me, take good care of me. In their eyes, I am still fragile and delicate. Those statements from my parents were really infuriating. How come they can’t trust me? How come they couldn’t even give me the chance to prove to them that I can, even if they are not around? They have always been my inspiration in everything I do, and it pained me knowing that they’re having doubts sending me in UPB just because of their constant reason: They’re worried. No, I don’t blame them, or have it the other way.

Then I realized, my life won’t be this happy if I studied in UPB. I could not meet the greatest friends I have right now, 4BR01, Mcdodo’s, my beloved schoolmates, my Alma Mater, and of course my Love, Chiles. The idea of feeling bad about what I did eventually become lighter. God knows how much I love them. Too bad, I can’t get rid of my foolishness.

When I finished my Degree, Bachelor of Arts in Broadcasting, in Trinity University of Asia, nestled in Quezon City, lots of “What If’s” sticked to my mind.

  • What if I wrestled my passion in UPB? Then maybe right now I’ll be wearing the Sablay I dreamt of ever since then.
  • What if I mastered the guts to talk to my parents about my dream university? Assure them that no matter what happens, I can survive, alone. After all I ‘ll be having my monthly visit just to be with them. (During that time they are residing at Echague, Isabela.) Then maybe right now I’ll be wearing the Sablay I dreamt of ever since then.
  • What if I was brave and courageous  enough to fight for I what firmly believe in? I trust myself, I know that I can outdo whatever life has to throw during my college tales. Then maybe right now I’ll be wearing the Sablay I dreamt of ever since then. 
But right now, I can’t do anything about it. Recently, I just finished my academic combats and race. I am happy knowing that I was able to do it. But nothing could be happier if I just sticked to my dreams; pursue my fervour, finish my Degree, be a swollen with pride UPB graduate, and of course, wear that renowned Sablay.

To all the highschool graduates, feel free to follow your dreams. Nothing can stop you. You’re responsible for your own happiness. I once lost my dream, and believe me, I blame no one about it, about my decision, letting the chance fly away.  It’s about me not being bold enough to withstand what I really want. Go ahead, and hold up what makes you happy. J

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Clingy as ever. :P

"I miss you Hubby ko. Sobla po. Mahal na mahal kita!"

Oh. I miss my love too. I suddenly want to kiss, hug, and cuddle with him. 

After an hour and a half, I saw him talking to the delivery boy (KFC) and when he saw me, he flushed his face splitting grin. 

And what I did:

I planted a soft kiss on his lips. He kissed me back, then afterwards he motioned me to eat. My tummy's growling, I noticed.

Ang sarap sa pakiramdam na magkaibigan kayo. Naisheshare mo sa kanya lahat ng sama ng loob mo, lahat ng pangarap mo. Lahat lahat. After all dapat naman lahat ng couples, may friendship pa rin na dapat madevelop. I'm blissfully happy, knowing that I have him, and he's mine. Shit. Makakapatay ako ng tao kapag nalaman kong may pumapantasya pa sa magiging asawa ko. Welcome to hell. ;)

Sa sobrang kulitan namin, I didn't notice that I fell into a deep slumber. But I know he kissed me before we went to bed. Haaay. I really could not ask for more God. He's so adorable and sweet. 

I love you my love, my life, my everything. ♥
Then we both dozed off. 

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Sweetest dad in law. :">

Yesterday, while I was surfing the net looking and applying for job, Tito Peter messaged me in Facebook saying, 

What Tito Peter said made my day. It made me smile, it made me giddy all day. He's just the sweetest Dad in law. Hihi. 
He told me last time, "Alam mo Jho sayo lang kami ganito. Sa ex ni Chiles, wala."

E isa na lang nasabi ko, "HAHAHAHA alam ko yan Tito."
Someone might get irritated again. Oh well papel. =))))))))))

Move on, Erick. :/

All of us have this kind of friend who seem to be fenced in his/her past. Some of them eventually moved on, while the others, they would still choose to.. ah, MAGPAKATANGA? Oh Erick. I wish I'm at your side, and I'll spank your chest, bump your head on the wall. E sana magising ka na sa katotohanan ng lagay na yan Erick.

Erick has been my ultimate guy friend since highschool. Though I used to have many boy buds, (Ken, Paul, Guian, Cezar and EJ) he's the one who's good enough on throwing insults at me, saying how dare and stupid I am to fall in love with his best bud Ryan, (but hey, that's another story) because I'm ugly, because I am not the defined girl for him, etc. AND THAT HURTS. But now, I never thought I'd be the one to throw affronting statements about his obtuseness about Angel. I don't want to hurt Erick with my words, but if that's the only way to get rid of his fatuity, I'd say it again and again.  

Erick and Angel had been the best- est couple of 4 years when we were in highschool. All of us anticipated that it is going to be them who'll tie the knots in the future, have the gorgeous kids in town, and more. 
E kaso wala. Just like the other relationships who we thought that will last, unfortunately it ended. 

Erick texted me yesterday and he asked me Angel's number. I didn't ask Angel's consent, kasi matagal na din naman nyang gustong makausap si Erick. TADAAA. I'm the happiest girl alive when I found out na nagtext si Erick sa kanya (Angel) At long last, Erick finally had the courage to tell Angel everything he wanted to say. ♥

Beep. It was Erick, and he said, "Tol, eto na naman ako umaasa kay Angel. Matagal na kaming wala. Sabihin mo naman sakin kung ano dapat ko gawin."

I hit the reply button, and typed, "Iuntog yang ulo mo sa pader para magising ka. Oh Erick, no offense meant but obviously, Angel doesn't love you anymore. Matagal na alam mo yan. Wala ng spark matagal na. Honestly, kung maging kayo man ulit ni Gel ulit, (but I know its kind of impossible to happen) wala ng kilig. Both of you went through a lot for many years already. Madami ng nagbago. I hope what I said would be enough to enlighten your mind na wala na talaga. Man up Bro, move on. Go on."

He replied, "Alam ko naman ng wala ng pag-asa. Ramdam na ramdam ko pangungulila ko sa kanya."

If only I had the chance to change Erick's notion, gagawin ko e. Ganito lang naman yan e, kung hindi kayo, hindi dahil hindi kayo destined na magkatuluyan. Nasa partner mo yan kung itutuloy nyo pa ba o hindi na. Yang destiny na yan, isang malaking katarantaduhan yan. Yang mga naniniwala sa destiny na yan, hopeless romantic. E kung gumawa ka kaya ng paraan para maisalba yang relationship nyo, kesa umasa sa kung anong dala nyang destiny na yan. E di may nagawa ka pang matino. 

Lahat naman tayo takot masaktan. Nasa iyo na yan kung kakaririn mo ang pagiging tanga. Wala naman kahit na sino sa atin na gustong magmukhang tanga. Ikaw at ikaw lang makakatulong sa sarili mo. Hindi yang destiny na yan, hindi ang ibang tao, kundi ikaw lang. E bahala ka na kung ano mas pipiliin mong paniwalaan.

Erick, itetext kita pagkatapos kong mag blog. Hindi ako nageexpect na tatalab tong mga sinabi ko in just 24 hours. Hindi. Sana magising ka na. Hindi lahat ng gusto nating mangyari mangyayari. Kalma ka na, magsimula ka ulit. 5 years na tol, 5 years na nakakalipas. Kami nasa ibang bansa, ikaw nasa Echague ka pa din at di makamove on. Huwag kang magagalit sakin Erick, sinasabi ko to kasi mahal kita, kayo ni Angel. Kung ikaw makapag- advice ka nun sakin akala mo naman buntis ako, akala mo naman napariwara ako. Do not get me wrong Erick.

I hope this will be more than enough to stop you from thinking that it'll still be possible for you guys to rekindle your relationship.


Sunday, April 7, 2013


I mentioned on my Graduation Album in my Facebook account: We're together still together when it ends. ♥ (From: Sunday Morning by Maroon 5
I changed Change of Weather from We're together in the lyrics)
Best describes our 4 years of friendship in Trinity University of Asia. Though it marks the end of our academic combat, we are all still together. ♥ 

This is going to be my hardest battle: Get separated from the people I love, whom I used to be with every now and then, whom I shared my triumphs and failure in my journey, and to whom I always depend on, seeing them as the reason why I love going to school everyday, investing my time for stupid but chuckle some conversations at the university cafeteria and runway. Oh gosh. Why do we need to deal with this kind of wretchedness? I may sound too exaggerated, but the fact that we wouldn't see (Mcdodo and the rest of 4BR01) each other that often, it'll be a torture. 

I don't know, but maybe things have to be felt in that way. Malungkot oo, pero ganun e. We can't stay forever at Trinity University of Asia and just do the blabbing we want. We need to find stable job for us to support our future, and we all believe that there's a bright prospect ahead of us. So instead of making ourselves lonesome just because we won't meet that often, we all decided to look forward on having a cool job, having a great salary, but of course before it could happen, we need to do our very best. We need to be compassionate in everything we do, be a pro- active individual, and a dedicated employer. ♥

4BR01, thank you for sharing with me your stories. I may not be able to talk to all of you because I always prioritize Mcdodo, HAHAHAHA! But trust me, you guys are all precious to me, and of course I love you all. 

MCDODO: It'll be hard facing the real world without you guys. :( I've been used to seeing you everyday. It even came to a point that I relied on you guys, and you we're mainly the reason why I'd push myself to go to school. I may find new friends in the real world, but then again trust me. You guys will still remain as the best- est buds that God has given me. I'm just a text/call/tweet/Skype/Viber/Instagram/Messenger/Facebook/ away whenever you need someone to defend/make you happy/make you cry/kill that bitch who just called you ugly or anything/celebrate with you/cry with you/sleep with you/drink with you/EAT WITH YOU/dream with you/ and so on. You guys will always hold a special place in my heart. May our paths cross again Mcdodo. Kiss and Hug to all of you! >:************<

Saturday, April 6, 2013


There you go. I wasn't able to blog for 3 months eh? How could you believe that? Let's thank my very busy schedule, the recent Commencement Exercises, the Baccalaureate Mass, toga fitting, Graduation Pictorials, Graduation Ball, Job- Fair, Thesis Revisions, and so on. Now you'll understand why. Hahaha! I missed blogging. :) And before I know it madami na naman akong naikwento. Mehehe. As of now there are lot of things I want to share, but I'm kind of lazy. Forgive me please. The important thing is I was able to update my blog. :) 

One of these days I'll have my latest post. Promise! ♥