Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Feeling bad about it. :( :|

University of the Philippines is one of the oldest and exalted universities here in the Philippines. Well, if you conceded the college entrance examination of the university, extensively known as the UPCAT, then deliberately, the spotlight’s on you.

That is what I experienced when I found out I met the quota grade of the University of the Philippines, Baguio Campus. I opened the letter coming from UP, and I passed the degree of my choice, Communication Management.  I am the happiest girl alive. Mama and Papa was so thankful, nervous even on thinking how could I surpass the environment, the home sickness I am expected to feel, and of course, the maintenance of my grades. Taking UPCAT when I was in my secondary slate wasn’t even planned. Our institution informed us if we are interested in taking the exams, and apparently, many students gave their disapproving looks. I honestly think taking the exams would make my brain and heart have a hemorrhagic bug. Soon after our adviser encouraged me to take the exams, and so I did.

What made me inscribe my thoughts is that I could have graduated wearing the infamous academic uniform of the University, the Sablay.  Chiles was affronted about the idea that I just told him, and he said I might not be able to meet him if I pursued my degree in UPB. Well, just to inform you, Mama and Papa didn’t allow me to go the University. Worry and foreboding were obviously the reasons. 

They’re petrified that I will face the college life alone in Baguio on the dormitories around the campus. They’re petrified because no one’s going to look after me, not even a single relative of ours resides in Baguio. They’re petrified because they won’t be able to see me for days, weeks, months even. Of course their decision matters most. I don’t want to be studying in the prestigious university, knowing that in every seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, and months, my parents worry about me. Take note: ALL THE TIME. How could I focus then?

They're after what is the best for me, I know that. That’s why when they asked me if it’s okay to give up the UPB chance, I nodded. They want me to go to Manila, and there my aunt can look after me, take good care of me. In their eyes, I am still fragile and delicate. Those statements from my parents were really infuriating. How come they can’t trust me? How come they couldn’t even give me the chance to prove to them that I can, even if they are not around? They have always been my inspiration in everything I do, and it pained me knowing that they’re having doubts sending me in UPB just because of their constant reason: They’re worried. No, I don’t blame them, or have it the other way.

Then I realized, my life won’t be this happy if I studied in UPB. I could not meet the greatest friends I have right now, 4BR01, Mcdodo’s, my beloved schoolmates, my Alma Mater, and of course my Love, Chiles. The idea of feeling bad about what I did eventually become lighter. God knows how much I love them. Too bad, I can’t get rid of my foolishness.

When I finished my Degree, Bachelor of Arts in Broadcasting, in Trinity University of Asia, nestled in Quezon City, lots of “What If’s” sticked to my mind.

  • What if I wrestled my passion in UPB? Then maybe right now I’ll be wearing the Sablay I dreamt of ever since then.
  • What if I mastered the guts to talk to my parents about my dream university? Assure them that no matter what happens, I can survive, alone. After all I ‘ll be having my monthly visit just to be with them. (During that time they are residing at Echague, Isabela.) Then maybe right now I’ll be wearing the Sablay I dreamt of ever since then.
  • What if I was brave and courageous  enough to fight for I what firmly believe in? I trust myself, I know that I can outdo whatever life has to throw during my college tales. Then maybe right now I’ll be wearing the Sablay I dreamt of ever since then. 
But right now, I can’t do anything about it. Recently, I just finished my academic combats and race. I am happy knowing that I was able to do it. But nothing could be happier if I just sticked to my dreams; pursue my fervour, finish my Degree, be a swollen with pride UPB graduate, and of course, wear that renowned Sablay.

To all the highschool graduates, feel free to follow your dreams. Nothing can stop you. You’re responsible for your own happiness. I once lost my dream, and believe me, I blame no one about it, about my decision, letting the chance fly away.  It’s about me not being bold enough to withstand what I really want. Go ahead, and hold up what makes you happy. J

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